OK, been doing Biology at Claire's on Monday and Wednesday. Will return tomorrow on Friday, well today actually. Well, it's been quite useful, until the discussion turned to my lack of friends and clothes (not the lack thereof, but of the lack of style). Well:

1. I have friends, albeit not many.
2. Sorry I'm not shallow enough to only care about what I wear! I'll try harder- NOT.
3. One more comment about garments and I'll not wear ANYTHING!!! At least then people would shut up.

1. I am a loner. It's in my nature. What can I say? I applied to a numerology newsletter out of fun. Scaringly enough it's surprisingly accurate. It said I'm shy and have trouble making friends. Of course it's all a load of cod's wallop, but still. Maybe I'm slightly autistic? You can be. There was this documentary about this girl who was very slightly autistic. She had trouble making friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing something wrong. They all are great friends and I'm talking, but they can't understand me. You know, it's like speaking a foreign language (literally and metaphorically). I talk and talk, but they don't understand. It's too difficult to keep communicating, so both sides stop trying. It may seem weird to some, but I'm happy alone. I know whether I'm happy, right? I don't need somebody to tell me I'm unhappy, when I'm not. I decide when I want to be alone. What's wrong with that? Of course I like being around others, but I pride myself in not needing to be part of a group. Seriously who needs those suckers? In our class some people are so shallow and hypocritical who would want to befriend them? In 5th grade I was rejected. Why? I don't know. What did I do? I didn't care with all those ''wars'' going on between the groups I was glad I wasn't part of them. Then Stefany came. I helped her integrate. Once integrated I was basically invisible. Later Salmonella came. I thought we could be friends, but she was just too stupid and annoying. Because of her I became even less integrated. What does Claire know anyway? Saying I don't have any friends what so ever? Of course I do! Actually I'm quite offended...

2. Clothes, clothes, clothes! Is all that counts? Wish we would wear fake animal skins! Frankly my philosophy (concerning clothes) is: if they don't like me for what I wear, I don't need 'em! If appearance is all that matters, then who cares? Next time I'll come naked. Is that any better? They're only there for covering up. If you have to suffer for beauty, I can live without it. Clothes have to be comfortable. What else matters? If they're uncomfortable we could just as well wear corsets! The clothes I wear were designed (however strange that may sound). Blame the designer! As for asking whether I have the same clothes since I was born. Gawd is that supposed to be funny or something? What kinda question is that? Obviously not.

3. Then she criticized my close relationship with my parents. Is that illegal now? Saying I wear the same clothes as my mother. Quite on the contrary. I wear something completely different. I don't need some pseudo-pre-psychiatrist to tell me what I should do! We're close. Yes? So? SO? Is there a problem? I'm an only child! Of course we're going to be close. It's not as though I was ''incestal'' or anything.

Claire said she said it all, because she wants me to develop. We must remember this information is coming from a liar, a thief and a cheat. She rang. Then she wanted me to ring back. You know the motto being ''I don't want to waste my money on you''. And I'm not paranoid. This was the phone call: ''Hello. Ring me back.'' Then she doesn't come here. Oh no, of course I have to go over there. She said she has all her stuff over at her place. Yeah, so? I have all my stuff over here! I have to pack it and drag it over there. She has a nanny who could drive her here. But no. Then I have to take my bike, ride for 3 KM, with two 10 KG folders in the basket and my school bag. It's not far, but it's up-hill. She was and is hypocritical. I mean 3 years ago she mocked me and everything I said was laughworthy. I was a bank, that gave out money, but didn't have to be reimbursed. She said she changed. Oh yeah? How come she asked for money only a few weeks ago then? And for some reason she can treat me like some psychopath for 30 minutes, but when I make a remark in Biology, it's cast aside like a piece of rubbish. When I explain something, she doesn't believe me and keeps repeating: ''Are you sure'' and ''whatever''. When she wants help, she's oh so friendly. The rest of the time I'm part of the school accessory. She wants me to speak German to her, so she can get better. What do I get out off all this except for a psy consult I didn't ask for and insults? Now I'm suffering a kind of mini depression, because of the exams and everything else. That's the last thing I need before the oral exams. This James Blunt music is not helping either. Maybe if I become even more ego-centric I can blame everything on the fact I am incapable of love. Sorry for that, but if I don't write this down and do a kind of catharsis I'm going to boil over and do something certain people will regret.
''Be yourself no matter what they say'' that is the most important thing in this life, well unless you're a bastard of course. Do not change to be part of a group. They are not worth it!